Notes

Lloyd McGowan Interview Transcription

Man: So tell me Mr. McGowan, how do you feel?

Lloyd: How do I feel?

Man: Yes, in simple terms. Tell me how you're feeling.

Lloyd: You a doctor?

Man: No.

Lloyd: Will you help me?

Man: Mr. McGowan, I need you to...

Lloyd: Look! I'm, I'm scared. I, I don't know where I am. The the lady at the door she took everything. She took my mother.

Man: Your mother went home.

Lloyd: No she didn't! She wouldn't do that! She got taken! The lady took her. I know it. Wha Where did she take her to? Let let me talk to that lady. I want to find out where she took my mother.What what are these?!

*chains rattle

(Chains would tell me that this setting takes place at least before 1950. They would have used padded restraints past this point. Possibly even chains because he was brought there under arrest?)

Man: Those are to just to keep you in the chair. Please calm down.

Lloyd: Tell me what's going on. Maybe. Wha Where am I?

Man: Your new home.

(New home tells me they know he will be there for a long time and not for a brief stay. He is not going to leave any time soon.)

Lloyd: Ah ha!

Man: What is it?

Lloyd: If this is home, then where's my mother? You said she went home. But you also said this is. I got I got you doc.

(This tells me that Lloyd also realizes that this will be a long term stay by the end of the sentence.)

Man: I'm I'm not a doctor.

(Is he an orderly? A therapist? Did they have therapist separate from doctors back at this time? When did that start?)

Lloyd: Well you look big for a doctor. I think you're right. You know what? I can take you. Maybe a doctor would fix you up.

(Does he mean big as in height or in weight? Does height matter? Most doctors are of healthier weight.)

*chains rattle

Lloyd: Hey! These things are hurting my wrist bud! Hey what am I supposed to call you when I'm busting you up for keeping me in here?!

(The fact that the chains are hurting his wrist tells me that they are some type of handcuffs or manacles)

Man: You have no reason to hurt me. I'm here to help.

Lloyd: In a pig's ass!

(This is a more southern saying. Possibly from a southern state. By saying this though he speaks to being less educated.)

Man: You have to trust me Mr. McGowan. We're here to help you.

Lloyd: Wha what was that? Wh Who's there?!

Man: No one's there. I promise.

*tape stops and break in recording - time seems to be later or another day

Man: Well Lloyd, you've certainly gone and gotten yourself into real trouble this time.

(Lloyd has done something that has been bad enough to warrant them drugging him up to incoherence.)

Lloyd: (drugged and slurring) I've never been.

Man: Do you hear me Lloyd?

Lloyd: (drugged and slurring) I hear it's sunny this time of year.

Man: They're sending you to the far wing. East ancillary. The 300's?

Lloyd: (either saying:) (drugged and slurring) Oh thing or the whole thing. I never been. He he went.

Man: Do you know why you're going to the EA?

Lloyd: (drugged) He he tried to go, he he tried but he didn't make it.

(He is referencing Paul Redfern here not making it to Brazil)

Man: Jesus Christ! What have they got you on Lloyd, huh?

(This tells me the man is not a doctor or he would know what drugs they have given him)

Lloyd: (drugged) gone jungle. Pilot fell in the jungle. Gone.

Man: Yeah well, you're going to be gone for a while too. You killed that girl right?

(He is accusing Lloyd of killing a girl. Does this mean he killed her in the mental asylum? Is this why they drugged him up?)

Lloyd: (drugged) hmm gone gone gone

Man: Lloyd I need you to listen to me. Tell me you killed that girl.

Lloyd: (drugged) He is the crazy statue there. That was too far. Too far. Couldn't do it.

Man: I'll ask you plainly. Lloyd McGowan, did. You. Murder. That. Girl? Don't say no. (rushed)

Lloyd: (drugged) The ferns are red now (laughs)

Man: Atta boy.

*recording stops and new time and possible day. Lloyd is coherent again

Lloyd: (coherent, bright, inquisitive) What's going on bud? Things seem scarce around here. Is it spring-cleaning already?

(Again speaks to less education by using "Bud" as a nickname)

Man: We're transferring you Lloyd. You and most of the other patients.

(So does this mean the facility is closing down?)

Lloyd: Transfer?

Man: Yes, to another institution.

Lloyd: What? Like Buffalo or something?

(This tells me he thinks he is going to another place in New York so he is in New York state now)

Man: Not quite. We reached an agreement with a small facility in Maryland. Um, Darlington Maryland. How do you feel about this?

Lloyd: Oh I bet it's darling.

Man: Are you afraid?

Lloyd: I don't know what afraid is anymore! I, I don't even know what feel is anymore.

Man: Try to tell me.

Lloyd: Look if I feel anything, it's this: I feel like I've been asleep for the past 30 years and I still can't wake up! I feel like you've been selling me lies! I feel like my mother died before I could ever say good-bye and my pappy probably out lived her cuz that's exactly the kind of asshole he was.

(This tells me he has been at this facility for three decades. Along with his familiarity with this man in calling him "Bud" now.)

Man: You're handling this well.

Lloyd: Yeah you're a funny guy bud. I'll tell you what, you finally get around to telling me what my deal is and I won't beat the shit out of you as soon as they let me go.

Man: I guess it can't hurt now.

Lloyd: Oh it still could. Believe me!

Man: I see your point. Lloyd, you were a threat to your family. That's why your mother dropped you off here. She was afraid.

Lloyd: She was afraid of my father!

Man: She was afraid of you.

Lloyd: In a pig's ass she was afraid of me! I was her boy! Her baby boy!

Man: Relax please, Lloyd.

Lloyd: What else you gonna pull out of that backward noggin of yours huh? And tell me, tell me something real good.

Man: 30 years ago, you committed a murder.

(So there is 30 years between the second portion of this recording and the last portion of recording.)

Lloyd: What?!

Man: That's why you can't place the past few years. You've been medicated and isolated for a majority of that time.

Lloyd: I ain't never killed nobody! I ain't my father!

(His father killed someone? Who?)

Man: There was a young woman with anterograde amnesia, do you remember her?

(Loss of ability to create new memories from that event forward)

Lloyd: Well I, I, I don't know. May Maybe. Wha What are you talking about? I ain't killed nobody.

Man: Do you remember? She was also a patient of Dr. Richter's.

Lloyd: Richter? Yeah, that guy. I remember that guy.

(Does this mean Richter isn't there anymore or he is simply saying he remembers him thru his fog of drugs?)

Man: And the young woman?

Lloyd: I, I think so. Rachael? Uh Beatrice? I don't remember her name. Uh what was it? I didn't kill her!

(Possibly first and last name? Possibly the city name?)

Man: You yourself admit your memory is missing pieces.

Lloyd: I think I'd know if I did that!

Man: Would you now?

*chains rattle

(Lloyd gets agitated and angry and rattles chains)

Lloyd: You've got some nerve! You're trying to mess me up and get in my head and you can't! Get out! You you wake me up from a dream and all my heroes are dead!

(Who are his heroes that are dead?)

* recording stops